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Family Of Child With Down Syndrome Went From Shock To Gratitude: 'Lost The Air In My Chest'
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Having trouble? Click here."I literally felt like I'd lost the air in my chest. I couldn't speak."
That was the immediate reaction of a Florida dad and entrepreneur when he learned during an urgent phone call from his wife — who was pregnant with their fourth child and had just finished talking with a doctor — that their new baby might be born with Down syndrome.
"I was sad. I was angry. I was frustrated," said Aric Berquist, who shared his thoughts in a video (see the video at the top of this article) and in an interview with Fox News Digital.
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Berquist said that on the phone call, he "wanted to stay calm" for the sake of his wife, Gretchen, "who was teary" as the couple talked over the news.
After they hung up, as he struggled with his emotions, he said, "I just felt this, heard this voice say, 'Who are you to tell me what a blessing is?'"
Aric Berquist's son, Asher, is shown at age 9 tossing a football with his dad at home. Said Berquist about the day his son was born, "I really do feel that on that day, treasure was put in my hands." (Aric Berquist/The Lesson)
The deeply faithful Christian parent said the voice "wasn't angry. It felt strong, and it felt safe — and it was so shocking that all of my arm hairs were raised to the point that it hurt."
And he found himself "just bursting into tears."
A subsequent ultrasound confirmed the diagnosis of Down syndrome for their new baby — and the couple did all they could to prepare themselves, and their older children, for the baby's arrival.
"He continues to teach me more about life and myself than I could ever dream of articulating."
That year, the dad said, "Asher was born. And I really do feel that on that day, treasure was put in my hands."
Berquist described the joy he believes their youngest has brought the entire family — both from the time he was born and up to the present day, including at the recent wedding of their daughter, the oldest of their four children.
"That kid has literally changed my life in an amazing way," he said.
The Berquist family at the recent wedding of daughter Abby, center. Youngest child Asher is shown at right, front. (Berquist family)
The couple's youngest is 13 years old today and in sixth grade.
"And he continues to teach me more about life and myself than I could ever dream of articulating."
He "loves sports," added Berquist. "He'll play flag football and he's done soccer. He loves to play sports with his two older brothers, Andrew and Adam."
"He is available to everyone he engages with."
He said his son Asher's bond with brother Adam — the sibling closest to him in age — "is one of the richest and most beautiful things I've ever seen."
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Their youngest "occupies the current moment like nobody I have ever met," Berquist also said. "He is present. And he is available to everyone he engages with."
He makes others feel "acknowledged. And I'm starting to think that we, as the 'typical people,' have the disabilities — not him."
"It's been really wonderful to see how he's developed — just his growth within each phase," said Aric Berquist of his youngest child. (Aric Berquist/The Lesson)
Today, Berquist also told Fox News Digital, "he's doing so well. It's been really wonderful to see how he's developed — just his growth within each phase. But more than that, it's been really touching as a parent to see how he's connected with so many people in his life. It's been beautiful to watch."
Changes in developmentHeart problems are a concern for children with Down syndrome — and young Asher had bypass surgery within the first three months of his life, his family said. After a week in the hospital, he returned home to his parents and siblings.
Down syndrome is a condition in which a baby is born with an extra chromosome.
Chromosomes determine how the body forms and functions. Those born with an extra one experience changes in the way the body and brain develop.
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A baby is typically born with 46 chromosomes. A baby with Down syndrome has a full or partial copy of chromosome 21.
About 5,700 babies are born with Down syndrome each year in the U.S., and over 400,000 people in the country currently live with it, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).
About 5,700 babies are born in the U.S. With Down syndrome each year and over 400,000 people in the country currently live with it. The blue-and-yellow ribbon represents Down syndrome awareness. (iStock)
The life expectancy of those with the condition has increased dramatically over the years.
In 1983, it was just 25 years old — but today it's 60 years old, per the Global Down Syndrome Foundation, a nonprofit based in Denver, Colorado.
The most common type of Down syndrome is trisomy 21, which accounts for 95% of all cases. Less common types of Down syndrome are translocation (caused by rearranged chromosome material) and mosaicism (when there is a mixture of two types of cells).
Not every child with Down syndrome will display the developmental symptoms.
There are no known ways to prevent the condition during pregnancy and no known root causes, experts say.
One risk factor associated with Down syndrome is the age of the mother. For a 25-year-old pregnant woman, the odds are about 1 in 1,250. At age 40, those odds are 1 in 100, statistics show.
Dad Aric Berquist, shown on a walk on the beach, said he cherishes the "blessings" brought to his whole family by his youngest son. (Aric Berquist/The Lesson)
There are both physical and developmental symptoms of Down syndrome.
Physical symptoms may include a flattened face; shorter height; short neck; small ears, hands and feet; and decreased muscle tone, according to the CDC.
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Developmental symptoms, meanwhile, may include a short attention span, impulsive behavior, slow learning and delayed speech development.
Not every child with Down syndrome will display each of these traits.
'Walk through that day'A key life lesson for Berquist through his experiences has been about being present.
Know that "your feet are on the ground today," he said.
"Walk through that day."
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When there are life challenges, he said, "when we walk through things that are tough, we're being cleaned. We're being made into something beautiful if we allow it and if we walk through it."
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Berquist also said, "Breathe that air. Engage with that beauty. Because that is your life."
Angelica Stabile and Ashlyn Messier, both of Fox News Digital, contributed reporting.
3 Books To Help Us Understand Down Syndrome
Those with Down syndrome are here to teach.
Twenty-two years ago, on St. Patrick's Day 2002, my wife and I were given the gift of our son, Leo Patrick, who was born with Down syndrome. Actually, to be more accurate, we had been given the gift nine months earlier but we couldn't see him and hold him until he was given to us at the moment of birth. He has been a joy and a challenge but most of all a blessing. He has taught us patience and perseverance but, most important, he has taught us to love more deeply. Is there a greater blessing than this?
As the parent of a child with Down syndrome, I have found myself particularly moved by three books which help us understand those who have been gifted with trisomy 21.
The first is a newly published and beautifully illustrated book for younger readers, Jérôme Lejeune: The Saintly Geneticist, a brief biography of the devoutly Catholic scientist who discovered the extra chromosome that causes Down syndrome. This handsome hardcover volume, resplendent with full-color art on every page, is published by Word on Fire Spark, the children's imprint of Bishop Barron's Word on Fire Catholic Ministries.
The author, Ana Braga-Henebry, writes well, respecting her young readers but never patronizing them. "At that time," she writes, speaking of 1958, the year in which Dr. Lejeune made his groundbreaking discovery, "most people thought that Down syndrome was caused by something the children's parents had done. Dr. Lejeune didn't agree. He thought it was because of a difference in the children's chromosomes. Chromosomes carry the information to help make our bodies work."
Horrified that his discovery was being used as a means of culling "defective" children, Dr. Lejeune was outspoken in his defense of human life and the dignity of every human person. Again, the author expresses this with simplicity and succinctness, and with clarity and charity: "When people began testing babies for chromosomal differences before they were born and making decisions about their future, it made Dr. Lejeune very sad. He knew many would choose to end the lives of their babies with Down syndrome. … He thought of all his wonderful patients and the joy they brought to everyone around them."
The second book is altogether different. The Book of Jotham by Arthur Powers (Tuscany Press, 2013) is positively sylphlike in its levity and brevity. A novella of only a few dozen pages, it is the story of Jotham, a mentally disabled disciple of Christ, probably gifted with Down syndrome, who sees the life of Christ with the eyes of simplicity reserved for the Holy Fool. This book is an eye-opener. The moment we begin to read, we are taken out of ourselves and into the mind of Jotham, a mentally disabled youth who is one of the disciples of Jesus Christ. He follows Jesus without understanding much about who he is. But he knows that Jesus loves him. And he loves Jesus with untainted purity, with the unconditional love of the truly innocent.
He also feels the love of Jesus' disciples, except, that is, for Judas, who doesn't understand why Jesus tolerates the idiot in their midst. Jotham doesn't understand why Judas doesn't understand. Or why Judas doesn't see the purpose of having him around. Jotham doesn't understand understanding. He doesn't see the purpose of anything. What purpose? Jotham only knows that he is loved by Jesus, and by the disciples of Jesus. And he loves them. What is there to understand?
As we close the final page of the book, we know that we have seen through eyes wide open with childlike wonder and, in doing so, have received a glimpse of the kingdom of heaven itself.
The third book, The Violent Bear It Away by Flannery O'Connor, is dark and grotesque. It is the presence of Bishop, a mentally disabled character presumably with Down syndrome, who enables us to see into the hearts and minds of the other characters. Bishop's father resents him, seeing no point in him, considering him an imposition and a curse, treating him with cruelty and contempt. By contrast, Bishop's uncomplaining innocence serves as an unwitting foil to his father's wickedness. As the innocent victim of the sins of others, he becomes the unwitting Christ figure. Paradoxically, it is the child with Down syndrome, the character in the novel who has nothing to say, who speaks loudest.
It has been said that most of us are here to learn but some of us are here to teach. Those with Down syndrome are here to teach. This is the lesson that Bishop teaches in The Violent Bear It Away. It is also the lesson that these three books can teach us about the blessings that the weak and meek bestow upon the strong.
This essay first appeared in Aleteia and is published with permission.
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